After The Suffering There Is Joy (Part 3)

I arrived home a week later feeling very much a changed person, feeling stronger and more determined than ever, my quiet strength was there at the airport to meet me along with one of my brothers, they said that they could see a difference in me.

A few years went by, my faith increased and I was receiving lots of blessings and graces, all of which I didn't realize or understand, well, not at that particular time, All this ws still new to me. I continued to pray for my daughter, it seemed like a lifetime since I had first set off to Medugorje.

When I would think of heaven I would often think of my mum and quietly talk to her, I would say things like, "What can I do?" You know how much she is suffering. All the masses you had said for her and all the praying I have been doing and still she doesn't want the help." Then I realized that I should be talking to my Heavenly Mother in the same way. I began to pray from the heart. I would pray and pray that one day my little girl would find something or someone to love instead of this evil addiction. A little more time went by and she came home and said she had met this young man, well, I didn't know what to say or do, I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or sigh a sigh of relief and as if she had read my thoughts she pulled me to one side and said "No mother he doesn't do drugs,." It was the first thing I believed in that she told me for a long, long time. I said "Thank you God, Thank you Heavenly Mother, Thank you Jesus, and all your Angels and Saints". Then one day out the blue she came to my house in floods of tears, she told me that someone had told her partner about her not too distant past with drugs. She was really upset that he had left her because he was definitely not into drugs. They patched things up with her promises of never touching drugs again, but in spite of her convincing denials I suspected she was well and truly using again.

I was still very suspicious and she knew that I knew she was still using. What mother doesn't when her child lies. A few months later, and again she was in floods of tears, she told me she was pregnant and didn't know what to do, "What do you mean?" I asked "This child is a gift and it has been given to you as a source of medicine to cure you from your addiction," (where, that came from God only knows) she looked at me and said "you're not angry then?" I wasn't angry at all and somehow knew that this child was an answer to prayer.

When the baby was about eight months old I had decided to go back to Medjugorje.

Her partner who by this time was also fed up with the lies and promises, even though I was angry and disgusted with her I still couldn't give up on her. I didn't fully understand what hell she was going through, all I could see was this pathetic excuse of being addicted to drugs.

Sometimes when I looked at this beautiful little child, and I'd think, what future does this little girl have with a mother who is addicted to drugs, but then I'd think, she has got to be part of Gods plan otherwise this does not make sense!

One day I just could not be bothered going down to their house and my husband said "What about the baby" I said "you go I really don't think I can face it today," off he went and immediately he left I cried and cried.

I went into my bedroom got down on my hands and knees in front of my crucifix I'd bought in Medjugorje and decided there and then enough was enough.

I began talking to the Lord, not in the usual prayerful way more like a conversation,

I said "This can't go on Lord, I have prayed and I have even begged for forgiveness for my sins," (I felt I had to say this just in case she was suffering for my sins) and then I went on to say "Just like you said Lord, now, I am Knocking, I am Seeking, and I am hoping to find and I asked what else am I supposed to do?" I went on and on . I then went onto St. Faustina (who was then Sister Faustina.) I said to her come on now you are secretary to the Lord, now do your stuff and please beg him for his mercy on behalf of my daughter. I talked the legs off them, I then proceeded to pray the 3.0'clock prayer and the Divine Mercy chaplet.